See What Comes

So many days I have wondered what the purpose was to living that day. What usually occurs is as I am lying in bed in the morning all these thoughts attack me. Why? What is there outside of this room? What's the point, essentially. These thoughts I am confronted by each morning, and it feels like a familiar boulder on my chest when I wake up, and every morning its a fight to get it off and get freed to want to live and simply be and not make life something other then what it is and forgive life for not living up to my over-speculative imaginings and say yes! I take you embrace you as you are, for who you are, Life. I don't judge you for the things you've done to me, for I know not your full motives. Amen.
And ironically, at the end of the day, the opposite mentality sometimes occurs. i suddenly see how things worked, the smallest things, the biggest hurts, the meaningless moments all tied into one beautiful immense symphony of being, of being that is interconnected and bound to meaning and eternal significance and the answer to what lies outside of this room? has invaded my awareness with the simple truth: the world!


"
Life should be enticing. Life must have some texture. You must... feel that you're living. You must be seduced and intoxicated by your life. It is only the irregularities of anguish and happiness, pain and joy, contentment and desire that creates the texture of life
"
-Jerry Johnson