"Wonderful girl...

...either I'm going to kill her or I'm beginning to like her." -Hans Solo HAHA! Awesome! Isin't there a fine line between the two in any case, between loving and hating someone. Thanks Julian for forcing me to watch the original Star Wars. I really love the philosophical-ness of it, in fact. I hear Jedi-ism is an increasing-ly popular religion. In all seriousness, it is. But it makes sense, people just can't get away from their search for religion, even if it means chanting in yoga classes at the Y. And how does Hans Solo manage to not "give a damn" and yet still be a good guy? I wonder if the Force is compatible with the idea of the Holy Spirit---no no, the Force is neutral---I cannot believe I am actually thinking about this ! I thought I could stay stong against the power of the Force, HAHAHA, and never watch Star Wars ever--- and lead a full and complete life without it. Oh well---I give up---May the Force be with you... haha

I just can't shake this restless feeling. Today its been driving me insane! I used to call it 'soul-ache' but now i'm callin it 'excrutiating-torturous-desperation-of-soul.' Its like I just want to go somewhere, to be somewhere else all the time, to go somewhere---but that place doesn't exist here. I just can't stay here a moment longer!!!!! This entire planet's to small to fill my soul!!!!!! I am feeling the slow inoculation of restlessness seeping into every vein and submerging me in its wave. When will I shake the bonds of earth?

My Song

Listening to the song "Sophia" by Matt Maher- I wonder if he's married. Maybe he wrote the song about me and just doesn't realize it yet. And when we meet, he'll say, "your name? is? Sophia?!" and then, he'll just break out singin'--- "Sooooophiaaa, you know me, Sophia, see through me..." and he'll realize, that all those years ago, he wrote this song for me, before ever apprehending me---hahaha!---should I rename this blog 'THE SOPHIST'? yeah, it is the name of my strand of philosophical thought. Philo-"Sophia" by Matt Maher!!!!!

Confession

Can somebody please!
tell said un-named "Ergo Sum" blogger that I am in love with him!?!?!? His email's not there---a wise action! Ok, glad that's cleared up.
Cheers!

Viva!

I just went to the Spanish mass in town. I like going to it. Contrary to common theory, I don't go because it is late in the afternoon (I admit this is a contributing factor). I go because- everything is right there. The men work hard, and you can read it in their sun-marked faces and rough hands. The women would do anything for their men because they see everyday how hard he works for her. People manifest love. When I go there I see fulfilled the whole missio, ite missa est: this is your mission. We do not love solely with our minds, but with our bodies as well. He says "pick up," "follow," "baptize": all verbs! Catholics take Him literally in these words: "This is my body!" We must take Him literally when he says "do this!" in remembrance and love. We must also wash, heal, speak, listen, touch: in each of these actions embodying Love.

Offering

The only one willing to recieve this black ink,
which is my blood,
is this paper.
What will I recieve,
in exchange?

well, I don't want you.

Not a piece of paper, not a passionate idea,
not a book, not a flag, none of it.
Not "a bloodless substitute for"* you, the real you!

If,
you make me sad sometimes,
I still want to love you.
I am not like a whore,
demanding gold or pleasure from your presence.
I don't expect deity of humanity.
I even want you with all your soul-aches.
I even want you with all the dust and tears and blood
which,
mixed together,
form your heart.
I even want you with all your Soul-ly Transmitted Diseases,
(the scars of your mis-directed love).
I want you as you are,
cursing and screaming inside your self-constructed prison.

*Robert Louis Stevenson
Copyright Sothanma 2005

Why I Love Atheists

As an ambassador, say, for Ireland to the UN or whatever, I would most likely feel-hey, maybe just a little pressure, that is if I love my country at all, if I truly believe in my country, I feel I gotta make the country look frickin goood! I mean, come one, thats just obvious. If I really have known and loved my couintry, I'm gonna make it real to you. You're gonnna be in your little UN desk thingy representin' your country, and listening to me talk about Ireland...you're gonna say, "Damn, I wanna live in Ireland." Your gonna think "This girl loves her country- this is truly a great country. We need to work to make all countries as great as this one." Oh, and you won't just think that you'll feel it, you'll feel my passion and love flowing through my veins and out into my words and throught the microphone wiring, caught in the spark of the translators awe-striken words, and into your little earpiece. Is it not true that if I love my country, such a graat love would be apprehended by those listening and observing? Similarly, I hold, that if I declare myself to be a Christian and the observer sees a mere shadow: a man of empty words and hollow eyes, then observor is more justified in declaring God is dead, than a believer wouldin some cases, did not know or possess a love for God in the first place. This may lead the observer to the conclusion that God is dead, never was at all, or that religion is a complex fraud. But, I put forth, that the "Christian" has perhaps never known that which he claims to represent. The point of this being: I love atheists. Why? They are usually logical people who think and observe. And people who think always find the truth.

"Believers frequently bear responsibility for atheism. For, taken as a whole, atheism stems from a variety of causes, including a critical reaction against particular religious beliefs, and in some places against the Christian religion in particular. Hence believers have more than a little to do with the birth of atheism. To the extent that they neglect their own training in the faith, or are deficient in their religious, moral or social life, they must be said to conceal the face of God and religion." Gaudium Et Spes

SM 2005

Gandhi on IM

Ink-Blood19:52: Abha, hello!
Satyagraha19:53: Hello, my friend.
Ink-Blood19:53: So, how is it? the taste of eternity...
Satyagraha19:56: It is...to finally know...the full sweetness of Love, plucked from the tree of life's actions, and sown...by the seeds of our thoughts.
Ink-Blood19:56: I'm so honored for the oppurtunity to speak with you...
Satyagraha19:56: The honor is not on one side. It exists in our mututal respect for each other.
Ink-Blood19:57: I've always loved your ideas, and admired you.
Satyagraha19:57: I am no greater than any other man. All men can find knowledge of Rama, of God, of life, of love. Not all men seek. They are the only ones who can ever be lost; they are the lost ones, the only ones who do not know themselves- the ones who do not know God.
Ink-Blood19:59: You said once you would never become a Christian. Why not?
Satyagraha19:59: Aaah. I recall saying 'I would become a Christian- if I ever met one.' This idea comes from the conviction I felt that if Chritianity is true, as it claims, it must be something not just spoken out, but able to be lived. Truth, I cannot hold as something which cannot be internalized, and so I strove to find any said Christian who lived truth and not solely spoke truth. Therein lies the test. In your own time, the Bishop of Rome, Benedict XVI, wrote that the greatest proof of his ideology is not in the Church's apologists or arguments or debates, but in her saints, in blood shed for a belief. This is truth, and it is also what I sadly failed to find an example of.
Ink-Blood19:62: And, of course, your thoughts Adha on establishing peace? or on non-violence?
Satyagraha19:63: Nonviolence is the greatest force at the disposal of mankind. It is mightier than the mightiest weapon of destruction devised by the ingenuity of man. This is Satygraha, truthforce. Truth has the greatest, perhaps the only power to convict the hearts of mankind, and the truth is that each human being has this knowledge in him, this knowledge of not only what he is, but what he may become.
Ink-Blood19:63: It must have been strange coming from the Eastern culture and suddenly thrust into English society as a young man. Talk about a culture shock for you, I'm guessing...
Satyagraha19:64: Aahhaahh, yes it was quite, quite different. But, Western culture is a good thing---or, should i say, Western Civilization is a good idea. And, an idea?- a seed. To your earlier question, I recalled these words, of the mystic Mirabai. They express more fully than I have what it means to enter into eternity. See, do not just hear, but recognize the truth in them. See: the yearning of the heart of every man:
O Lord of Heavenly Blue,
My heart cannot rest until we are together,
Until we walk along the banks of the Jamuna
Deep into the night.

Copyright 2005 SM

Pace, Mozart

Are you trying frantically to give CPR to

Mozart's corpse, again?
Pace, Mozart- but,
Forget about Mozart!

I don't know how to break this to you- he's dead.
and you may as well be,
if all you desire is Imitation Passion.

Please,
-Find!

Not Mozart!

But, the spirit of Mozart . . .
which never dies.-
and put his ashes back in the ground!

and may he rest in peace.

Copyright 2005 SM

Tennyson's Vision

Drink!

And let the parties rave:

They are filled with idle spleen*;
Rising, falling, like a wave,

For they know not what they mean.

You are bones, and what of that?
And every face is but modell'd on a skull.

*spleen NOUN:
A tendency to become angry

Insomniac's Addictions

Now that I started this thing~being an insomniac could prove quite useful to the creative flow (or it could just shut it all down entirely). Either way i'll get something accomplished. 1. I'll become an amazing, well-loved author! (note sarcasm) 2. I'll get alot of sleep! ( note lack of sarcasm) Eventually I am going to write a thouroughly stimulating blog entitled "Why I Love Atheists." How's that for a random thought? You'll just hafto see what that's all about won't you? In any case, I think sleep may finaaally be grasping me, or maybe its just cornea damage from staring at the screen. Hope not. Hope you all are sleeping soundly enraptured in lovely dreams. Can you tell I've been watching Pride and Predjudice lately? Well, continue sleeping soundly. Cheers!